Social Distance Running
It's been two weeks since the government locked down the country with Boris Johnson setting out a handful of simple rules.
These rules delivered with the helping of doom you might feel after receiving a 'we need to talk' text. No travel unless essential. We can visit the shop for food and we're allowed to walk the dog. BoJo also gave us permission to leave the house for one bit of exercise a day, highlighting its importance for physical and mental health. One of very few things the PM and I agree on.
For the past year or so, it's running that has kept me sane. When I've felt a little lost it has given me achievable goals to work towards. Whether I've had a good day or a bad day I run to feel better. Remember when you used to magnify the sun onto a leaf so that it would burn. That's what my head can feel like when something is getting too much, and it's running that removes the magnifying glass to allow for a softer warmth to imbue.
Since the lockdown I haven't been running as much as I'd have liked. Despite the fact I'm in a pretty lucky situation. I have a job that is relatively easy to achieve from the comfort of my short shorts at home. I'm also lucky in that I've been staying with my sister for the last two weeks on the south coast, where there are less people and much more space. No excuses. With a day off work and having been inspired by the hundreds of Instagram Live workouts that I've watched but not done, I decided to get my shit together and really work on my fitness. Laced up and stretched I went for an intense 8k.
Usual thoughts, or lack of, were substituted for new unchartered feelings. The first? Guilt. Guilt that if I pass Brenda out on her afternoon shuffle, I could pass on the coronavirus. I'm pretty sure I don't have it, having stayed home for 2 weeks with no symptoms but all it could take is one spec of flem to get in the way of a heavy breath and I’m looking at a murder investigation.
Anyway I crossed the road, actively overdoing the 2 meter rule, and I start to notice that there's a hell of a lot more runners than usual. It's good to see! I pass people that are clearly regulars and I pass people that clearly aren't. But that throws up another conundrum. I know I shouldn't care but which of these 2 categories do other people think I fall into? To be clear I see myself as a regular runner but do I look like one? In an attempt to earn some self-pride, I try speeding up a but when I'm in somebody's line of vision and breathe less frantically than I normally do. I might even bleat a little "Hiya!" or "Afternoon!"
This comes at a cost. Having tried to play it cool for 100 meters I start sweating more and am heavily chasing my breath. Wait! Chasing my breath?! Feelings of loathing shift to paranoia. What if this heavy breathing and high temperature is coronavirus? Is this my decline? There are so many things I haven't done, and places I'm yet to visit. What about Brenda?!
I return home confused. There's a saying that goes 'you never regret a run' that I begin to doubt. The pandemic that has consumed the planet for the past few months has made me think very differently about how I go about my life even down to something as trivial and everyday as going for a run. I might keep using self-isolation to better myself but then again, I might just watch other people do it on Instagram while I crack open my second beer of the night and scoff some Mini Eggs. Who knows? But right now, I'm just thankful that I've got through these crazy times relatively unscathed.
If you're still reading, stay safe, stay sane and stay thankful.
